


Blossoming in Adversity

by barsonaddict



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, F/M, Military AU, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-09-25 10:18:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9815333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barsonaddict/pseuds/barsonaddict
Summary: Not everything goes according to plan - that's what Army Rangers Olivia Benson and Rafael Barba have to learn the hard way as they're separated from their units behind the enemy lines.Collaboration with CUtopia.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so excited to present my first collaboration, with the wonderful and talented CUtopia! She has crossposted this fic over on fanfiction.net. 
> 
> A big thanks goes out to Emily, who betaed this chapter for us.
> 
> Please note that while we did do some research, neither of us are military experts (or even American) so please excuse any error, but feel free to educate :)

__

_ The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all. _

-Mulan

 

The dark grey plane was hurtling through the sky, blending in perfectly against the clouds, the occasional air pocket rocking it harshly. Members of the crew were gripping the freight nets hanging from the walls for support as they walked back and forth, and Lieutenant Sonny Carisi needed to take a few deep breaths of the dry cabin air to calm his stomach. His gaze was wandering, trying to find something that would distract him from his nerves, and ultimately, something drew his attention.

Blinking a few times, he stared at the bench at the other side of the plane, then he leaned towards Lieutenant Amanda Rollins next to him, asking over the noise of the engines: “How the hell is the Colonel able to nap under these conditions?!”

 

Rollins followed his gaze to their commanding officer, currently strapped to the side of the plane like them; Lieutenant Colonel Olivia Benson had her head resting against the wall and was clearly asleep. 

“She’s taking the motto ‘Sleep whenever you can’ to a whole new level. Maybe you should take a page out of her book, sleepyhead.” She eyed Carisi’s appearance – bags under his eyes and paler than usual complexion indicating his difficulty sleeping before the mission.

 

An extraordinarily hard turbulence shook the plane, but Olivia didn’t even stir while Carisi grimaced at Rollins before running a hand over his face. “If I close my eyes I’m going to throw up.”

A chuckle to his right told him that Master Sergeant Odafin Tutuola had somehow managed to catch that, and moments later, a smugly grinning member of the crew held a paper bag towards him, yelling: “If you make a mess, you’re cleaning it up!”

“Hungry?” Smirking a little bit too widely, Amanda held an unwrapped energy bar under his nose and Sonny slapped it out of his field of vision, pleading for mercy. “Rollins. Please.”

Seeing him grimace, Amanda and Fin laughed heartily until Major Mike Dodds brought their attention to the front of the plane where the warning light had just turned on. “Three minutes to the drop zone, crew!”

“I got this,” Fin volunteered, unbuckling his harness and stepping over to sit next to Liv. “Liv, three minutes.”

A gentle poke to her shoulder made the Colonel sit up with a start, stretching casually after overcoming a brief moment of disorientation. Yawning while unbuckling her harness, she nodded at Fin before pushing herself into a standing position. “Everyone gear up!” she called, surveying her team. Noticing the pallor of her newest recruit, she questioned, “Hey Carisi, everything alright?”

Carisi nodded faintly at his CO and everyone moved to put on their last pieces of equipment, a little bit of tension hanging in the air, but every single movement was calm and practiced, perfected in hundreds of training hours. 

However, after having grabbed his gear, he watched her again with a bit of wonder on his face; catching him staring at her, Liv stepped over to Sonny. “You okay to make this jump, Lieutenant?”

Carisi blushed, returning a little bit of colour to his face. “Of course, Ma’am. Just a little jealous that you were able to sleep on the transport.”

Olivia chuckled. “When you’ve been on as many transports as I have Carisi, you’ll be able to sleep like a log too.” Liv gave him a brief, encouraging smile before turning to her unit. “Okay crew, last minute checks. We’re almost there.”

She stepped over to Dodds to confirm the last minute details and check in with the pilot. Only a minute later, a loud warning sign resounded in the plane and the loading ramp was opened after everyone had hooked into the safety ropes. Carisi squinted against the sudden light that flooded the plane while Amanda in front of him was putting her combat helmet on, smiling at him over her shoulder. Olivia was standing at the front of the group with Fin, ready to jump first, and soon the light next to the exit switched to green. Turning to her unit, she let them confirm with a hand signal that they were ready, and a grin appeared on her face.

“See you at the ground,” she exclaimed and Fin stretched his arm, bumping his fist against hers with a wide smirk.

Some people might think she was crazy, but her favourite part of a mission was the jump. She had ultimate faith in the preparation of everyone around her; she felt comfortable just enjoying the relative calm of the fall through the air before the chaos that was always waiting for them on the ground. After all, one of the most elite units in the United States Army wasn’t called into action for routine operations. 

This time the stakes were even higher than usual. Another elite unit on a classified mission was unable to meet their scheduled transport and now Liv’s crew were tasked with getting them to a new rendezvous point. 

After a short sprint down the ramp, Olivia jumped and then there was nothing but air around her; a familiar tingle rose in her stomach and she allowed herself to enjoy it for a moment before she had to concentrate again. The cold wind was rushing around her as she checked her surroundings, spotting all five of her soldiers close to her. 

Unfortunately, the free fall was over way too soon for her liking; after a look at her altimeter, she opened her parachute and mentally prepared herself for leading the little group towards their planned landing coordinates. These were the last few moments to breathe through, and all her years of experience had shown her that it was important to take this time.

She closed her eyes briefly, counting to five. When she opened them again the landing site was directly underneath them. ‘Just a few more seconds,’ she said to herself, positioning her hands to unbuckle the parachute as soon as her boots hit the dirt. 

A minute later all six crew members were safely on the ground, unhooked from their parachutes, and busy doing their pre-assigned tasks securing the jump site while Liv and Dodds confirmed their exact location with the GPS unit.

“We’re a little bit off from our planned landing zone.” Dodds frowned, causing Olivia to cock an eyebrow and take the GPS from her second in command’s hand.

“Three hundred meters? Stop being so picky, Major,” she replied with a smirk before signalling the others to get into formation. “Two clicks to our target, let’s move quickly.”

“Copy that,” the soldiers behind her mumbled and Dodds took the lead, the unit moving quickly through the high grass, weapons at the ready. Even though they’d been briefed about the situation and knew that they would probably have no problems reaching the other team’s position, they were ready for any surprises.

Olivia allowed Dodds to take the reins for navigation, though out of habit she kept checking their course from her position at the back of the group. She needn’t have worried; if there was one thing predictable about Major Michael Dodds, it was his attention to detail. 

Just over halfway to the target location Tutuola grabbed Dodds’ pack, slowing him down. “Major, there’s movement in the tree line at two o’clock.”

Immediately the group came to a halt, surveying the landscape for any irregularities.

Rollins was the first to pull out her binoculars. “It’s Unit Beta, Sir. They must not have reached the meeting point yet.”

Benson looked through her own binoculars. “You’re right, Rollins. Guess we were just too quick for them, though that’s no surprise.” The group exchanged cocky smirks. “Dodds, proceed along our route. We’ll make contact as planned.”

It didn’t take long for them to reach the meeting point, their pace having been high. The moment they stepped onto the little meadow, they could see a second group approaching them. One of the soldiers was being carried by his comrades, obviously injured, and Olivia stepped out from behind Dodds, a light frown crossing over her face as she saw a man separating from the group the moment Liv’s team paramedic made his way over to the wounded soldier.

“What, you’re our cavalry? We’re doomed.”

She knew this voice all too well, and she could barely keep herself from glaring at the man, his arrogant grin making her want to punch him – a reaction she seemed to have regularly around him.

“Doomed? We’re not the ones with an injured soldier, needing to be escorted home from a mission thank you very much,” she replied, not impressed with the attitude shown by the commander of Unit Beta. Olivia wasn’t sure why she had higher expectations from Lieutenant Colonel Rafael Barba, when he continually showed her how much of a nuisance he could be.

They were now standing practically nose to nose, glaring at each other while the members of their units moved around them not paying any attention to the commanders. This was not the first time the units had crossed paths, and unfortunately, Barba and Benson tended to butt heads at every opportunity.

“If someone had told me beforehand that I’m here to save  _ your _ ass I would have declined,” Olivia hissed, forcing herself to move her finger away from the trigger of her rifle, having a look at what her team was doing from the corner of her eye.

“Oh, now I feel insulted. Many women would die to have something to do with my ass.” Rafael looked more smug than she’d thought possible and she rolled her eyes, pushing her way past him so her shoulder bumped against his hard. 

“Dodds, how far are you? I don’t want to stay here longer than necessary.”

“Two more minutes, Ma’am. They’re trying to get the bleeding under control.”

Olivia acknowledged him with a curt nod, reminding herself to calm down and just breathe – she would only have to deal with Lieutenant Colonel Smartass for a few hours and then he would be out of her hair. At least until the next time she had to save his ass.

Rollins approached her tentatively, likely due to the scowl on her face. Schooling her features, Olivia focused on her subordinate, determined to be a professional.

“Ma’am, Carisi and I have evaualated the terrain and conferred with Unit Beta’s field officers, conditions are favourable to continue the rescue mission as scheduled. As soon as Miller is stabilized, that is.”

Before Liv could respond Barba interjected. “Unit Beta? As the first unit in the area, I think you will find that my unit should be addressed as Unit Alpha, Lieutenant.”

Benson rolled her eyes. “Yes, well since my unit is the one in charge as of now and running this operation, we will be referred to as Unit Alpha. Lieutenant Colonel.”

 

“Do you really have to discuss this now?” Major Rita Calhoun, Barba’s second in command, asked with an annoyed undertone in her voice. “There certainly are more important things to take care of right now.”

Olivia nodded curtly, keeping her mouth shut, especially as she sensed that Barba felt tempted to say something. This man was one of the most effective soldiers she’d met so far, but he was also so competitive and arrogant that he managed to annoy her constantly; working with him was hard, and she was glad that there were only very few occasions that they had to meet each other. 

“We’re ready, Ma’am!” Dodds informed her, and she signaled him to take the lead again. Rollins and Carisi moved to the front of the group with Dodds, the two soldiers carrying the stretcher with the wounded man following them. 

Olivia decided to walk behind them, silently hoping that Barba would save his breath for the march to their meeting point with the chopper, but the moment the group started moving, she could hear him mumbling something. Completely against her will, the words ‘oxygen thief’ slipped from her lips, and she regretted saying them a mere second later.

“Oxygen thief? Benson, I thought your insults would be better than that!” Barba muttered, falling into step beside her and sliding his sunglasses onto his face. 

“You know Barba, not everyone spends their free time thinking up smart ass comments for every opportunity.” She scoffed, keeping watch on him from the corner of her eye, not fooled by his apparent disinterest in their surroundings. He may look like he was taking a leisurely hike in the woods, but like her he was always in tune with his surroundings.

Barba snorted in response and opened his mouth to retort but Liv beat him to it. 

“How’d you get into this mess in the first place? Did you know I was on call this week and just couldn't wait to see me?”

A chuckle escaped him and even though he was wearing his sunglasses, she knew that his green eyes were gleaming with amusement. “You highly overestimate my feelings for you, Benson. I don’t miss you enough to nearly get caught by the enemy only so you can rescue me.”

“My heart is aching,” Olivia mumbled with a fake hurt sigh, turning her head to the side only to spot how Calhoun rolled her eyes at them – she’d witnessed their bickering many times before and didn’t bother to conceal what she thought about it. Looking over her shoulder, the officer made eye contact with her and her expression seemed to tell her ‘Get a room’, which confused Olivia highly.

Suddenly, a high whistling sound directed her attention to her surroundings, accompanied by a yell of: “Grenade!”

Chaos seemed to erupt from all around them, small explosions somehow forming a circle around the two units, the soldiers in front of them throwing themselves onto the ground.

“How the hell-?” Liv didn't get a chance to finish her question. Barba dove for cover and grabbed her elbow, pulling her down with him. Not three seconds later, the path they were walking on was nothing but a pile of rubble and a cloud of dust surrounded them, causing them to cough.

“Keep your head down!” he yelled, feeling her shift, correctly assuming she wanted to check the status of their soldiers.

“I just don't understand where the fuck they came from,” Olivia said under her breath –

she’d thought they had been alert and careful on their trek. Obviously not. 

“To answer your earlier question of how I got into this mess – it started kind of like this.”

 

_ To Be Continued... _


	2. Chapter 2

Olivia prided herself on many things, but keeping a cool head in a firefight was usually one of her strongest attributes. This time however, with Barba holding onto her arm and chaos still exploding around them, she was finding it hard to focus. Keeping her head low, she surveyed the scene from her position on the ground.

The air was thick with smoke, earth was sputtering around whenever another grenade impacted and she could hear gunfire. All of it – the sounds, the smoke stinging in her airwaves – reminded her a lot of the countless drills she’d been through during her training, and she felt like it was time to do what they’d been taught. She had no idea where the other half of their group was, but she could probably call herself lucky that she could spot Fin cowering a few metres in front of her. 

Determined not to lie around waiting for their attackers to come closer, she shifted her rifle into position and propped herself up onto her forearms, still keeping her head as low as possible.

“You’re not going to get a chance to shoot,” Barba practically yelled. “Come on, get ready to run. This is exactly how they ambushed us! They’ll have more troops ready to flood the scene within three minutes!”

Cursing under her breath, Liv called out to Fin. “Get ready to move on our go, Tutuola! Break for the shelter of the trees.” Fin tapped the ground three times to indicate that he heard her order, and when she saw visual confirmation from the other soldiers with them she deferred to Barba. As much as she hated to admit it, he was the expert on this situation. “Okay, Barba. We’re ready to move on your go.” 

Their gazes met as the words had left her mouth and Olivia felt like she could spot a flicker of fear and worry in his green eyes, but then she assumed that similar emotions had to be visible on her face. Also, this wasn’t the right moment to look at him and hope to see him smirking because it was a telltale sign that Barba was confident about what he was about to do. Still she couldn’t deny that his blank expression, laced with tension, made her uncomfortable.

Rafael looked back at her for the who fraction of a second they allowed themselves to pause, and he was still holding her gaze when he yelled over the noise: “GO!”  
They pushed themselves to their feet, moving as quickly as possible while still hunched over. Fin was in the lead, with Calhoun close on his six. The two Lieutenants of Unit Beta were next, with Benson and Barba bringing up the rear of the group. 

Barba spun around and kept pace while moving backwards, giving them a 360 degree view of the battleground. With just over fifty feet to the tree line they were surrounded again with a shower of grenades. “Everybody down!” Liv screamed, diving to the side trying to take cover behind a large rock. “Barba! Get over here!” 

Earth sputtered up again and rained down on them, together with branches and little stones. Another explosion shook the earth close to her, and a second later, she felt a body stumbling into her, pushing her forwards with all the weight a grown man and all his gear brought with him. Adrenaline was rushing through her veins and her ears were ringing as her forehead collided with the stone, but she didn’t even have time to register the pain – she could see shadows coming closer through the smoke. 

Her reflexes kicked in and in a matter of seconds she’d lifted her rifle and pulled the trigger, aiming for the soldiers moving towards them.

Supportive gunfire erupted from beside her and less than a minute later the shadows were gone and the explosions had started to taper off. Barba grabbed her elbow and pulled her in the direction of the safe haven of the trees. Her head protested at the sudden movement, vision blurred momentarily but she pushed through, keeping her eyes focused on the familiar figure in front of her. As long as she kept up with Barba she felt that the two of them together would be able to figure a way out of this clusterfuck.

The shadow of the forest fell over them and Olivia sped up her pace, knowing that they’d gained a little bit of time by taking down the first enemy forces, but she was 100 percent sure that they hadn’t been the only ones. She could hear the others breaking through the undergrowth a few meters to her left and Barba was on her right by now; side by side, they jumped over a tree trunk that was lying in their way and bullets started to whizz past them. 

They didn’t have the time to turn around and shoot back, all that counted right now was to run as fast as possible and get away. Barba made a sharp dash to the right and she followed him; the trees in front of them were standing closer together and they both saw the opportunity to get better cover.

All Liv could hear was the sound of harsh breathing from both herself and Barba, the crunching of the undergrowth as they ran, and the occasional burst of gunfire. Running deeper into the woods, they were forced to slow their pace to avoid the trees which were more narrowly spaced. 

As they approached a slight decline in the terrain Barba slowed down to avoid tripping over a large branch lying across their path. Olivia kept pace and hurdled over the fallen tree limb, taking over the lead. “I was All State for hurdling three years in a row!” she called triumphantly over her shoulder, not missing the surprised look on her comrade’s face.  
She could hear him moving over the dry leaves and branches behind her, their combat boots leaving a steady beating, but suddenly, his footsteps stopped. A loud crunch filled the air, accompanied by a loud gasp of surprise and she whipped around, rifle at the ready, fearing that they’d been caught. But the only thing she could see was Barba hitting the ground and immediately vanishing out of her view as he tumbled down the steep slope next to the path they’d chosen between the trees, a loud groan escaping him.  
“Shit,” she cursed between pants as she sprinted the short distance to the edge of the slope, her heart racing in her chest. She moved as quickly as possible down the hill without falling: the last thing they needed was for her to end up in a heap at the bottom with him.

“Barba?” Liv called as she approached his prone body.

“Give me a second,” he pleaded, lying flat on his back with his eyes closed. “The world needs to stop spinning.”

Glancing around in every direction, Liv listened carefully to try and ascertain if they were being followed. “Yeah, yeah,” she muttered. “But only a second. We’re fast but not that fast.”

After what seemed like an eternity, he opened his eyes and pushed himself up into a sitting position, his chest rising and falling in sharp pants, his jaw tight. 

“Come on,” Liv urged him, one hand at the trigger of her rifle while blindly grasping his shoulder with the other. Of course she would have fancied lying down next to him, using the leaves as a mattress to relax a bit, but though she was exhausted, this definitely wasn’t the right time for a break.

A loud groan escaped Barba as he jumped to his feet, staggering slightly as he took the first steps and let his gaze wander around the small clearing they were standing on. Getting impatient and assuming that his tumble down the slope had disorientated him a bit, Olivia didn’t think twice before pulling his arm over her shoulder and forcing him to get moving again.

“We can have a coffee break later, for now we have to get away from here!” she growled, grinding her teeth together as he leaned more of his weight onto her than she’d expected, but still they managed to get forwards at a rather fast pace.

“Any...sign...of them?” Barba huffed out as they hurried along, him hoping that he was wrong but feeling like he wouldn’t be able to make it much longer before stopping.   
Liv grunted, “Not since before you fell.” Then she focused all her energy on propelling the two of them forward.

They could no longer hear any movement in the forest other than their own footsteps, and with every quarter mile they trekked it seemed that Barba was leaning more and more on her for support. She could feel sweat running down her temple and cursed inwardly – with every minute it got harder to get him to keep up with the pace she wanted them to go and she could feel her own strength fading. By now she had no idea for how long they’d been in the forest and as she felt her own knees weakening, she decided that they just had to take the risk to rest, if only for a few minutes. Otherwise she would probably be leaning on Barba too.

“Stop,” she panted out, her voice hoarse from her dry throat; all she wanted was to take a few sips of water and sit down. 

Barba didn’t say anything but immediately ceased his forward movement and started to sink to the ground. Liv guided him down, bending over and letting his weight slide off her shoulder. He moaned in relief and shrugged off his rucksack. Olivia took a few moments to survey their surroundings.

“Fuck,” she cursed when she grabbed for the radio that was always attached to the shoulder of her uniform. “Barba I need your radio. Mine’s gone.” she said, as she sat down heavily next to him. She pulled out her canteen and took a big drink, then looked over at her comrade when he didn’t answer.

His face was white and an expression of pure pain contorted his features; sweat was shining on his forehead and she could see that he was shaking. Tears were glistening in his green eyes and he was pressing his teeth together.

“What’s wrong, Barba?”

“My ankle,” he pressed out, gesturing to his right combat boot. “It hurts like hell. I think I twisted it or something before I fell.”

Olivia gulped hard, hoping that he was exaggerating, and while moving over, she said: “I’m sure it’s nothing, Barba, you’re fine.”

Nonetheless she started to undo the laces of his boot with quick movements after pushing his trouser leg up a bit and ultimately pulled the boot off his foot, which caused him to groan loudly in pain.

Olivia’s face dropped with one look at his ankle. It was swollen to at least twice the normal size, and had already started to turn a dark shade of purple. Without the support of his boot, it was hanging at an odd angle; she had no doubts that it was broken.

“Okay, Barba. Here’s what we’re gonna do.” She looked around for inspiration. “Ah. Here we are.” She moved his rucksack alongside his injured leg.

“Lay back.” Barba gave her a funny look. “Seriously. We need to get your ankle elevated. Lay back and I’m going to prop your leg up on your pack.” 

He was in too much pain to argue so followed her directions and whimpered slightly when she touched his leg, but she was very gentle and didn’t touch below his knee.  
When she’d placed his leg on his pack she grabbed her own and opened it, pulling out the first aid kit. “We need to splint it before we can move on.”

She opened the kit and then looked around, quickly finding two branches that looked thick enough for what she was planning.

“I don’t know if I trust you to do this,” Barba mumbled, his voice sounding weaker than before and he seemed to invest a lot of strength in keeping his reactions to the pain at a minimum. “Can I see your first aid certificate?”

The tiniest of smirks flashed over his pale face and Olivia couldn’t help but chuckle before she started to take everything she would need out of the kit. “If you’re able to joke around it can’t be that bad, Colonel. Don’t worry, I’ve done this before. If Fin were here he could tell you from first hand experience that I’m excellent at splinting broken bones.”  
She unhooked her rifle from the harness that held it in front of her chest and put it within reach, then she unbuckled her belt, her action causing his smirk to return.

“A striptease? Definitely a creative way to try and distract me from the pain. Go on.”

Olivia rolled her eyes before throwing her belt onto his chest. “It’s going to hurt like hell and I would rather not reveal our position. Bite on it and know that this is going to be the only time you’ll see me take a piece of my clothing off for you!”

He picked up the belt warily, her words giving him an uneasy feeling in his stomach. “Never say never,” he replied, a cocky tone covering up the anxiety he was feeling.

Olivia waited until he had the belt positioned between his teeth. “Close your eyes,” she said, trying to affect a soothing tone in her voice. “It won’t hurt as much.”

His muffled scream of agony disagreed with her words, and she hurried to finish tying the last of the splints around his injured ankle. After she double checked her handiwork she looked up at Barba to tell him he could look now, but found he had passed out at some point during her treatment: his head lolled to the side and the belt hung limply in his slack jaw.

Olivia released a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding and took off her helmet, running a hand over her messy french braid. This certainly hadn’t been planned, and she cursed inwardly about the bad luck that seemed to have struck them. Scooting over on her knees, she carefully took her belt from him, wiped it off with her sleeve and pulled it back on. 

There would be no time to rest; she had to determine how much supplies they had, what their position was and how difficult it would be to get them out of this mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all the kudos and comments both here and on fanfiction.net (crossposted under CUtopia's account). We are having so much fun writing this and have lots more planned.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barba and Liv find some more not-so-good news, and we learn something about Barba's underwear preferences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your support for this fic! The long time between updates is completely on me, CUtopia is an angel for putting up with me. Please let us know what you think of the fic here or over on tumblr :D

Rafael had no idea how much time had passed when the darkness around him slowly lifted and he regained consciousness. His mouth was dry and he felt groggy, as if he’d slept for too long; opening his eyes took quite some time, as the sky above him was just too bright for his taste. As he finally got used to the light he lifted his head a little bit and his gaze immediately fell on Benson, who was kneeling next to him. She hadn’t noticed yet that he was awake, as she was occupied with pulling his radio out of his utility vest; seconds later, she released a string of curses and her expression darkened.

“You know, if you wanted to put your hands on my body you didn’t have to knock me out; you could have just asked,” he said lightly, smirking at her. He was relieved to see her roll her eyes and smirk back at him, holding up his radio.

“Your radio is broken,” she said, and tossed it in the general direction of his feet.

Barba frowned. “I’m assuming yours is as well since you were looting me.”

“It probably is, but I lost it at some point between the first ambush and here so it’s a moot point.”

Now it was his turn to curse under his breath and Olivia tucked a strand of hair that had fallen from her braid behind her ear while releasing a sigh. For a moment they were silent, then she added: “I got more bad news, by the way.”

“Don’t tell me you cut my foot off,” Rafael joked with a crooked grin – of course he knew that it was still there, the pulsing pain assuring him of that.

“Would you please stop it for at least five minutes and try to be helpful?” Olivia barely cared that her voice was strained, showing the stress she felt right now. She really wasn’t opposed to a few jokes to lighten the mood, but she needed him to be professional right now, as she was trying to analyse their situation. “I checked our supplies while you were taking your nap.”

Barba was silent for a few moments, trying to read the emotions flickering across Benson’s face. Frustration was certainly the most prominent, but he could also see a hint of fear in her eyes, and that caused a shiver of fear to go down his spine. “SitRep, Colonel?” he barked in the most fake professional tone he could muster.

Her head whipped around and she stared at him incredulously.

“What? You wanted me to stop joking around,” he explained innocently and held his breath waiting for her reaction. To his relief she smiled slightly.

“Don’t be an ass, Barba.”

“I’ve been told I’m talented when it comes to that, and I hate to waste talent,” he replied, pushing himself into a sitting position, ignoring how the little clearing they were on seemed to spin for a moment. 

Olivia cleared her throat and pointed at a small heap of packages next to her pack and said: “I went through everything, we have enough food to get us through five days, maybe seven if we ration strictly. We also need to find water soon, I’m nearly out. At least we have enough ammunition to stand our ground against any possible attackers.”

“Okay, it’s not the ideal situation but I’ve certainly been in worse, as I’m sure you have as well,” Barba replied then looked around the clearing to orientate himself. “If I’m remembering correctly, there should be a water source that crosses through this forest somewhere in the Eastern section.”

Olivia pulled out her GPS unit and pressed a few buttons, then held the unit out so he could see the screen. “You’re right, looks to be about three miles from here.”

He resisted the urge to comment on her saying that he was right and instead checked his watch. “We probably have around four hours until sunset, give or take. I hate to ask but how are we for painkillers? I think I might be able to move a little faster if I can take the edge off.”

“I fear we will have to ration those too,” Olivia replied, indicating at the two First Aid kits that were laying next to their food. “Two or three days.”

“Fuck.” 

Had they been a bit more sure about their rescue, he wouldn’t have had a problem, but right now, they had no idea for how long they would stay out here, how far away they were from their alternate pick up point and if a rescue team would be waiting there at all should they be able to reach it. From the look on her face he could tell that Olivia shared his negative feelings about this – the worse his pain the slower they would be.

“I could drag you around by your ears,” she suggested before thinking about her words more closely, barely able to keep herself from biting her lip in regret the moment they’d left her mouth. 

“As tempting as that sounds, I think I’ll try to find something to use as a crutch instead,” he drawled, not missing the hint of colour that stained her cheeks.

She leaned over and grabbed one of the packages of food then tossed it to him. “Here, you shouldn’t have the painkillers on an empty stomach.”

He murmured his thanks, and didn’t waste any time ripping it open. He was used to living on rations but usually it was only a day or two at a time. This was his fourth day in the bush with no end in sight and he was hungry.

Still his appetite left him when he inspected the contents of the MRE bag, knowing all too well that the Mac & Cheese didn’t taste like cheese or noodles at all, and also looked like it had been chewed before. Thus he fished the cookies and bread out and handed her the rest of the bag with a grimace.

“I’m voting for shooting a deer or something. I can’t see that stuff anymore,” he grumbled while ripping the foil packages open; he’d said it in a joking tone, but a part of him really would have preferred hunting in the wilderness. The cookie was horribly sweet, too sweet even for his taste, but he ate it anyway, just like the dry, white bread, and tried to get rid of the aftertaste with a few gulps of water.

Olivia didn’t have a higher opinion of the Mac & Cheese than Rafael did, but since this was her first MRE in a while she forced it down. They couldn’t really afford to waste food after all. She took a few sips of water then picked up on of the first aid kits and handed Barba two pills.

He took them quickly, wanting nothing more than the pain to disappear. “Just give me about twenty minutes for them to kick in and I should be good to go,” he said, scanning the area around them in search of an appropriate stick to support his weight.

Olivia nodded briefly and then started to stow all their stuff back into her pack, deciding that it would probably be easier for him if his pack was a bit lighter. She just hoped that they would be able to move relatively fast, as she wasn’t keen to stay in this forest until they ran out of food. 

Just as she wanted to put the second First Aid kit back into her rucksack when Barba spoke up, startling her a little bit. “Hey, wait, I’m going to need that one more time.”

“What for?” she asked with a puzzled expression and he raised an eyebrow before pointing at her face.

“You got a cut on your forehead and I think I should take a look at it.”

Olivia’s hand immediately shot up to feel her forehead, not having noticed the abrasion before. “Oh. When did that happen?” she asked herself quietly.

“Probably when you were pushed head first into a boulder by a two hundred pound man and his forty pound pack,” Barba replied sheepishly. “Sorry about that, by the way.” He took the medical supplies from her outstretched hand and waited for her to sit next to him.

“I know it wasn’t intentional Barba,” she reassured him, then moved as close to him as she could and tilted her head toward him. Their thighs brushed against each other briefly as Rafael shifted and she twitched involuntarily as he touched the cut.

“Sorry, it’s going to burn a bit,” he mumbled in concentration, his eyes focussed on what he was doing. The stray strand of hair had fallen back into her face and he gently tucked it behind her ear before carefully cleaning the wound – Olivia wondered why her heart had jumped at this unexpected, rather tender gesture. As a sharp, stinging pain shot through her forehead she inhaled and grimaced, even though she’d planned to keep her reactions at a minimum.

“So, you went through everything in my pack, huh? Like, everything? That’s a little nosey don’t you think?” He asked, hoping to distract her from what he was doing.  
Olivia rolled her eyes and he smirked: mission accomplished.

“It’s your field rucksack, Barba. You have almost the exact same things in there that I have in mine. It’s not like I read your diary or something.”

He snorted slightly, still focused on applying butterfly bandages to close the cut. “It’s still my personal property. You could have waited,” he murmured.

“Well, to my defense – not that I need it – I had no idea for how long you would be out. And hell, do I look like I care that your underwear isn’t standard issue?” Olivia said with a teasing undertone, trying not to think of how surprisingly gentle his fingertips were against her forehead. “But seriously, Barba, Star Wars?”

If he was embarrassed, he didn’t show it – he shot her a playful smirk, his cheeks not colouring at all. “It’s not like anybody would have seen it. And I happen to like Star Wars, so yes, Star Wars, seriously.”

They were silent for a long moment while Barba finished applying the bandages and checked for any other abrasions or injuries in the area. She blinked in surprise when he held his index finger in front of her face. “Follow my finger,” he prompted.

“I don’t have a concussion Barba,” she huffed. “Don’t you think I would have realized by now?”

“Considering you didn’t realize you had an open wound on your forehead, I’m going to insist on doing a thorough check,” he said dryly. “Now, please. Follow my finger.”  
The way she rolled her eyes convinced him that she didn’t actually have any undiagnosed head injuries, but he persisted. A minute later he pronounced, “You’re healthy, just a little bit stubborn.”

Olivia huffed, moving away from him and putting the medical supplies into her pack as she originally planned.

“Hey – do you think it’s fair that you’ve seen all my things, including my underwear, and yet I’ve seen nothing of yours? What if we have matching Star Wars undies?”

Olivia glared at him for a moment. “You do realise you’re close to something they call sexual harassment?”

“If I was you would have shot me by now,” he grinned cockily, knowing exactly that she made it clear when someone was really stepping over her boundaries, and she rolled her eyes. “I really think it would be fair.”

She couldn’t believe that he truly had the nerve to be so cocky in the middle of a dangerous situation, but then she guessed another minute wouldn’t make a difference now. At least they were both conscious and ready to shoot should they be attacked.

“Here,” she growled ultimately, grabbing her rucksack and shoving it towards it. “Suit yourself.”

“I’ve been waiting for this moment for years. What dirty secrets does Colonel Benson have hidden in her combat gear?”

She raised an eyebrow at him impatiently and crossed her arms in front of her chest with a bored expression – she’d been working with mostly men for most of her military career, and she’d lost her shame of someone seeing her underwear, even with her in it, shortly after joining the Army Ranger School.

He dug out the first aid kits and MRE’s that she had just placed inside, giving him more room to look at her personal items. It was a sea of army green, and his face showed his disappointment. “Where’s your sense of adventure, Benson? No lace? Nothing frilly? Not even Yoda or Princess Leia to brighten your day. It’s sad, really.”

Olivia snorted. “Sorry to disappoint you by following the rules, Colonel.”

“Nobody cares if you wear the standard issue underwear, especially not when they call you Colonel and the candy bars* on your chest are gleaming so brightly you need sunglasses,” Barba complained, then his arm dove into her rucksack to emerge a moment later, Liv’s spare sports bra dangling from his finger. “Black, wow, how sexy. Benson, I have to correct myself, it’s not all boring. But those are really hard to get off in the heat of the moment.”

“You might be surprised,” she returned enigmatically, snatching her bra off his finger. “Are we done with this now? Because I would prefer not to stay here too long. We need to find a place to spend the night and a way to get help.” 

Rafael gulped hard, fighting to keep his mind on the situation at hand and not try to figure out how to quickly remove a sports bra from Olivia Benson. Not that he would have any need for that information anytime soon.

It only took Olivia a few minutes to get everything back into her pack, and a glance at his watch confirmed to Rafael that they needed to get moving if they had any hope of reaching the river before nightfall.

Olivia shouldered her pack, which was now noticeably heavier, then hooked her rifle into the harness. “You ready to go, Barba?”

“I think so,” he affirmed and grabbed the hand she offered him. It proved to be difficult to get him to his feet and her rifle nearly hit him in the face during the struggle, but ultimately they succeeded. She lifted the backpack onto his back and grabbed his arm to sling it over her shoulder again, nearly staggering to the side as he leaned on her.

“You take the GPS and tell me where to go,” she grunted out, handing him the device while mentally preparing herself for a long walk. They could only hope that they would stay undetected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ’candy bar’ is a military slang for the medals and decorations on the dress uniform of a soldier


	4. Chapter 4

Unfortunately, they didn’t reach their goal of the day – when the sun started to set and dipped the forest in a red and golden glow, they were still a good mile away from the river. Rafael’s broken ankle slowed them down more than she’d anticipated, even though he’d found a thick stick to use as a walking aid and Olivia had shifted the heavy gear into her pack. But nothing could be done about the uneven forest ground, often threatening to throw Rafael off balance if he wasn’t supported by her.

The only good thing was that they’d found a small stream to refill their canteens at and they decided to set up their camp for the night, both too exhausted to walk any longer.  
“Well, it’s not the Hilton, but I guess it’ll do for the night,” Barba said as he shifted his pack off his shoulders and practically collapsed onto the ground next to it. Benson followed suit, dropping her noticeably larger pack next to his.

“It’s sheltered from the wind, close to water, and the moss should help with comfort. It’s the Hilton of the woods,” Benson said with a wink, earning a tired smile from her comrade. 

“I love it when you humour me, Benson,” he replied wistfully and leaned back against a tree. 

“Don’t get too used to it.” After wiping a little bit of sweat from her forehead she opened her pack and pulled two energy bars out, tossing one at him – her stomach was growling loudly. “Dinner is served.”

“Ah, the room service at ‘Hilton of the woods’ is just as legendary as I’ve heard,” Barba joked, grinning at her mischievously. “Where’s the entertainment program?”

Liv rolled her eyes. “Maybe you stay at hotels featuring exotic dancers, but the Hilton is a classy joint, Colonel. The Hilton of the woods is no exception.”

A mocking pout wiped the pained expression away from his face completely for a moment as he looked at her. “I thought you could…”

He didn’t finish the sentence immediately as he saw her rising her rifle ever so slightly, rolled his eyes and continued with a wink: “... could demonstrate how to remove a sports bra easily.”

She pushed down the blush that was threatening to expose how much his words affected her. World’s biggest asshole or not, Rafael Barba was a damn good looking man and she couldn’t deny that he had his own kind of charm. And well, trained elite soldier or not, she was still a human being with needs. He wasn’t completely unappealing to her with his daring way and hell, her body was calling out for relief. In that moment she wanted to throw her weapon aside and stride over to him. She imagined the look of surprise on his face if she stripped down to the bra in question and settled herself on his lap. Maybe that could render him speechless for once… green eyes wide while he looked at her, unsure if she was only teasing him or seriously wanted him to touch her… Heat rose inside of her and a part of her begged her to do it, but then the rational part of her brain took over again, scolding her for her unprofessional thoughts. She really needed to get herself laid when they got home, if she was getting the hots over Barba it really had to be bad.  
Surprisingly it took her some more willpower than anticipated to bring herself under control, but upon replying she congratulated herself when her voice came out even and unbothered. “In your dreams, Barba.”

He smirked at her in a way that made a shiver run down her spine and replied: “Well, those are going to be sweet dreams.”

She unbuckled her rifle from the harness and put it next to her on the ground before ripping the wrapping of the bar open and biting a too big bite off. “You should get your foot up,” Liv said, her mouth still full of energy bar.

“Sorry, what was that, Benson? I couldn’t understand you with the entire energy bar in your mouth.”

She glared at him, but waited until finishing and taking a drink from her canteen before repeating herself. “I said, you should get your foot propped up. It will help with the swelling, as I’m sure you know.”

He grumbled something under his breath she didn’t catch, then he asked: “Can I get more painkillers? My ankle is hurting like hell and the boot isn’t helping it.”

Olivia was just shoving his pack over the ground with her foot, but as she heard the pained tone in his voice she stopped.“You do remember that we have to ration them, right?”

“Oh, come on, Benson. Don’t make me say ‘please’! It would ruin my reputation if I had to beg!”

“Barba, you’re going to have to wait until the eight hours are up. We just don’t have enough for you to take them closer together,” she explained, trying not to sound patronizing. In an attempt to distract him, she bent over to drag the pack the rest of the way, stopping right in front of him. “There, put your foot on your pack. The change in position will help with the pain.”

Barba rolled his eyes and muttered profanities under his breath that Benson tactfully ignored, moving to reposition her own pack and retrieve the blanket.

“You should try to get some rest. I’ll take the first watch.” She tossed the blanket towards him, then took another few sips of water. 

“Is this the turn down service Hilton of the woods is famous for?” Barba joked. “I must say that I prefer a chocolate on my pillow, but I’ll take what I can get.”

Olivia grumbled something about him being an ungrateful, nit-picky ass and wished she could just cuddle in and forget where she was.

Of course she was just as exhausted as he was, maybe even more, as she’d been half carrying him for several miles, but she was relatively positive that she would be able to stay awake for some more hours. “If you sleep the time until your next dose will pass a lot quicker, and you’re not able to annoy me.”

“Yes, I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you with my pain and suffering, Colonel,” Barba snarked at her, arranging the blanket over his torso and settling back against the tree. 

They were both quiet for a few minutes, Liv focused on the sounds of the forest around them and Rafael trying not to cry out in pain. Finally he couldn’t hold it in any longer, and almost gasped out, “Okay, the change in position did nothing for the pain. It’s getting worse.”

Olivia looked at him, trying to think of anything she could do for him, but no matter how much she wrecked her brain, she only came to the conclusion that she’d done everything that she’d been taught in the first aid courses. She didn’t know where it came from, but she suddenly felt sorry for him; she didn’t like to see him grimacing in pain. Maybe they weren’t best mates, tended to have a fierce rivalry about whose unit was the better trained one and usually communicated over insults when they happened to come across each other. But still he was a comrade, and she didn’t want him to suffer, even if she thought that he was one of the most annoying persons she’d ever met. And then, she did the only thing she could think of – talk.

“Once Fin and I were on a Special Ops mission as support. I was the sniper, he was my spotter, and it was damn boring. We were lying on that rooftop for hours, the sun cooking us alive, and we told us stories about our youth to keep us occupied.” 

A light chuckle left her at the memory of what came after that. “So, time passed, and I noticed how Fin’s stories about his life in the hood were getting weirder, but I thought that the sun was messing with our heads. Well, until he claimed that his father left the family to join the circus to become a dancing bear. It turned out that the abandoned building we took position on was actually a drug lab for some local mob and we were both high as fuck. Needless to say that we weren’t of much use after that, and the guy who’d planned the mission got a decent ass chewing for being fooled by his local contacts.”

Barba tried to force a smile but a pained grimace was all he could muster. “Sounds like an op Calhoun and I were running a few years ago. Except we discovered the lab, seized the drugs, and arrested the drug lord while still eliminating our target.”

Liv glared at him and his seemingly pathological need to one-up her. “Well I see that at the very least the pain hasn’t affected your ability to be an ass.”

“You’re just mad that I worked with the best people while they left you two in a situation that made everyone look like rookies. It annoys you that I’m better than you.”

“You, better than me?” Olivia cocked an eyebrow and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “The painkillers are making you delirious, Barba.”

They glowered at each other for a long moment, then he rolled his eyes and said stiffly: “Look, I know what you’re trying to do, and I appreciate the effort, but I think I’ll see if I can get some sleep now.”

He moved around slightly, trying in vain to get more comfortable. Finally he sighed, stopped moving and just stared up at the darkening sky.

Benson moved to sit against a tree a few feet to Barba’s left, the position giving her the best lookout. She could feel the night creeping in, and wanted nothing more than a warm bed to snuggle in for a solid week. Trying to get rid of those tempting and frivolous thoughts, she shook her head. While holding her rifle she leaned her head back against the tree, her eyes adjusting to the fading light while she listened into the forest. Everything seemed so peaceful – a light breeze was rustling through the leaves, the animals of the forest went to sleep while others woke, and nothing reminded her of the chaos they’d been in a few hours earlier.

For the first time she really had time to think about what might have happened to Fin, Rollins, Carisi and the others, and she hoped that they’d made it out. At least with Fin she had no doubts; he’d survived situations that had been way tougher, and sometimes she was convinced that nothing and nobody was able to bring him down.

The last bit of light vanished from between the trees and Olivia found it harder and harder to completely focus on her surroundings, her exhausted body begging her for rest. Her eyelids were getting heavier and her head sank towards her chest from time to time.

Suddenly her senses all went into high alert and she reacted automatically, jumping up onto her knees with her rifle pointing toward the danger.

“What, is it a crime to lay on your side now?” Barba said snidely, looking at the business end of her rifle with a bored expression. “I might as well take over watch. You’re obviously exhausted and I can’t sleep from the pain anyway. I’ll wake you when it’s finally time for my next dose.”

She wanted to decline but ultimately nodded and curled around her pack, a brief thought crossing through her mind – maybe he wasn’t such an ass after all? Barba held back a comment about her actually listening to him for once, and watched her fall asleep in mere moments. 

Her head was lying on her pack while her fingers were curled around her rifle, holding it tightly as if it anchored her somewhere. The fact that she hadn’t even noticed that she didn’t have a blanket to warm her or simply didn’t care showed him that it had been the right decision, and while he listened to the natural sounds of the forest he kept an eye on her sleeping form.

OoO

The helicopter blew dust and leaves up as he landed on the dry meadow, and the soldiers, some sprinting, others limping towards it, had to squint to keep the sand from landing in their eyes. One heavily wounded man was carried by Carisi and Dodds and was loaded in first, then the others followed, all looking battered and exhausted. Rita grit her teeth as she approached the helicopter as one of the last ones, blood staining her right shoulder and upper arm, but nonetheless she kept her finger on the trigger of her rifle, ready to give the others cover.

Fin stepped next to her while his eyes continued to scan the terrain for any signs of trouble. “We’re almost ready to leave, Calhoun. I’ll cover while you get in!” he shouted over the noise of the helicopter.

Rita’s stomach clenched. “I don’t think we should be leaving without Benson and Barba!” she yelled back, flicking her gaze over to him for only a second; both their faces were coated with dirt and dried blood. “What if they see the chopper and are one their way here now?”

“Ma’am, our order is to get back to base!” he replied, puzzled by her words – he’d always thought Calhoun to be a ‘stick by the books’ type of officer.

“Never leave a man behind, that’s what we swore! We don’t know if they’re dead, and if there’s the slightest chance for us to find them alive, I’ll take it! I’ll stay behind with a small team!”

Determination and stubbornness, mixed with pain, were shining in her green eyes and Fin could barely believe that she was saying this. 

“With all due respect, Ma’am, we barely made it here alive! We need to retreat! You’re injured, we’re low on ammo, and everyone’s exhausted. It’s not like we’re not coming back!”  
He knew exactly that he was stepping on thin ice, and while he didn’t feel good about leaving Olivia behind in enemy territory either, he thought it to be worth the risk to keep Calhoun from sending the ones of them who were still able to fight on a suicide mission.

He was right. 

She knew it, she just didn't want to admit that what was supposed to be a simple extraction mission had gone so badly that both of their unit’s commanding officers were currently MIA. Maybe it was guilt that was driving her to think that going back with a small team to rescue them was a good idea; she’d taken command of the rest of the soldiers once they’d realised that the Colonel’s Benson and Barba were missing, and on their run to the extraction point they’d lost two more soldiers. Also, in all the years that she’d been Barba’s second in command, he’d never let her down. The thought of leaving him behind, and that that could mean his and Benson’s death… it almost made her feel sick. Or maybe that was from the burning pain coming from the bullet wound in her shoulder, she didn’t know.

“Colonel, please!”

Rita looked at Tutuola and realized that he was the only person who could convince her to get in the chopper right now. She chose to believe that was due to his deep friendship with Benson, and her belief that he wouldn't leave her behind unless absolutely necessary. Anything more just wouldn't make sense. Resigned to the decision to retreat, Rita gave him one sharp nod before she turned to board the helicopter. 

Fin stayed behind her ready to steady her if necessary, then climbed in himself. Calhoun turned to signal the pilots that they were ready for take off.

When the chopper ascended quickly, Rita slumped back against the wall, knees pulled to her chest while she closed her eyes in exhaustion and defeat. All her muscles were aching and for a moment she felt like she'd failed. 

She didn't notice that Fin was gazing over to her and saw how she shook her head to get rid of her own negativity, told herself to pull herself together.  
It wasn't over yet.

They would come back and bring Benson and Barba home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because we are in love with the idea of Fin/Rita, have some tension between them! :D


End file.
